I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
