i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
