I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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