I accidentally had phone sex last night
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
