I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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