I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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