I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
please don't ironically join a cult
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