i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
