I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
