she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I think I sprained my soul last night
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize