singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
