dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
