i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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