I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
