well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So much Jack, so little girl.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Randomize
