i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
