he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
