i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
