I am puke
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
babies were throwing up all over the place
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
