My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
