He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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