I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
