Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
is that a dick in a sweater?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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