Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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