yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
is wine microwaveable?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
