Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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