Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
