I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Farmville is her only friend.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
