I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
