I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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