We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
