Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
