i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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