I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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