Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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