Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
