It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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