Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
How's work?
Spinning.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Randomize
