I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
