Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
