just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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