p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
