Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
God I need to hump something, right now.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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