Just fell off a train. Bad.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
