Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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