The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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