I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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