Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize