Got a toothbrush?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
