Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just had sex on a roof
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
