Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
