I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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