i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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