Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
