508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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