I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
