He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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