He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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