I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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