Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
