i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
