the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
