Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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