don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
