We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
