i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
