Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
