I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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