the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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