saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
