so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize